The Ultimate Shirk

When it comes to doing Britain down, there are few lengths to which the metropolitan élite will not go. On the very day when the dead-eyed warden's joke Foreign Secretary was delivering himself of yet another gust of flatulent Ruritoxican rah-and-blah, a citizen of nowhere was mean-spirited and selfish enough to expire within a short distance of the House of Expenses Claimants. Despite years of incentivisation by the beggar-taunting Bullingdon Club and their little orange fags, more and more people have chosen to make themselves homeless rather than rush into the thousands of jobs being vacated by departing immigrants, and we can only hope that the bracing weather will encourage them to abandon this irresponsible choice and regain the proper spirit of British get-go. A spokesbeing for the House of Expenses Claimants responded to the latest victory for the hostile environment with a snide little hint about the individual's friends and family, doubtless in the hope that the tragedy will encourage more conscientious patronage of the disadvantaged and better management of their trust funds.