The Curmudgeon


Friday, December 22, 2017

Naval Glazing

National pride will receive a substantial boost after October 2019 with the return of the navy blue passport, which had been temporarily subverted by a document in a Euro-frog shade of maroon, thereby ceding the Freedom of the Seas to faceless bureaucrats in Brussels through an act of treason by various enemies of the people and citizens of nowhere. It was this mutinous conspiracy, rather than any loss of filthy lucre by the proles, or any gain of homeless children (who are not, after all, cluttering up our streets), or any gleeful kicking to bits of the National Health Service and the social security safety net, or any treating of immigrants as second-class citizens and of refugees as criminals, which diminished our national standing and which even now causes lesser breeds to snigger and shake their heads at the statesmanship of David Davis, Liam Fox and Boris Johnson. "Our British identity was slowly but surely being submerged into an artificial European one that most Brits felt increasingly unhappy about," blathered one expenses clamant last spring. There is, of course, nothing remotely artificial about Britishness, a concept which sprang up whole and entire at some point during the Neolithic, and will endure unaltered and adamantine unto the Day of Judgement, despite being fragile enough to be subverted by the act of changing a document's skin colour.


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