We Have Taught Them Much

We are all aware, because historians of the calibre of the Imperial Haystack have informed us, that the only tragedy inflicted upon the wogs by the British Empire was that its boot was removed from their necks too soon for their own good. Nevertheless, as those who favour Chinese-style working conditions for the mainland's own proles have observed, many of our rebellious beneficiaries do have remarkably advanced ideas when it comes to red tape, green crap, and health and safety. In Delhi, for example, thanks to a healthy construction industry and an appropriate respect for the rights of motorists, the air quality is such that even the Imperial Haystack's London legacy pales into near-cleanliness. Mere doctors have declared a public health emergency; but India, like the mainland, is governed by right-wing religious lunatics who have had enough of experts. Hence, the efficiency and foresight on display is worthy of the British at their best: having planned to disperse the smog by dropping water from helicopters despite declaring much of the city a no-fly zone, the politicians have now discovered that the helicopters cannot take off anyway because of the smog. It remains as yet unclear whether the Imperial Haystack has offered to sell his little brown brothers any used water-cannon.