In Baghdad Where the Poodles Yap

As Her Majesty's Government continues to blunder, bungle and generally David Davis its way through Britain's biggest foreign-policy cock-up since Iraq, it's only natural that the dead-eyed warden of HM Prison UK should have a hankering to tour the site of Britain's biggest foreign-policy cock-up since Suez. Baghdad has been honoured with a visit from the Trumpster's self-appointed doggie, who had herself photographed with the troops and blathered about security, stability and dealing with Daesh because alliteration is just about all she can offer. Strangely enough, there was no talk of the mess Labour made, although Conservative denunciation of the Reverend Tony's crusade in 2003 was quite as enthusiastic as Conservative warnings about his Glorious Successor's fiscal plans in 2008.

Before toddling on to Saudi Arabia, where the urgency of profiting from the Yemen rampage grows greater by the day, the dead-eyed warden had a bit of a blather about the current War on Terror reboot. As might be expected, she sees it largely as an excuse for tracking human resources wherever they go and censoring the internet in the name of British values. Nevertheless, the natural poppy-wearer's urge to blow up real foreigners remains strong, and at least two per cent of the Recrudescent Imperium's economy will remain dedicated to this traditional British pastime. It still remains to be seen how many missiles the Japanese jam market will pay for, let alone whether anyone will be left in the country who can point them in the right direction.