Dry Response

Pub landlords in Tumbledown Tessie's Maidenhead constituency are threatening to join the ever-expanding ranks of citizens of nowhere and enemies of the people. Over the past seven years the former party of law and order has, with the sometime connivance of its little orange helpers, instituted massive cuts in the police force, on the grounds that the police are part of the hated public sector and their job could be far more profitably done by those efficient people at G4S. Among the unforeseeable consequences of this policy was a lack of police officers, which means that pubs have to wait up to an hour for any response to trouble. Of course it is deeply unfair to blame Tumbledown Tessie for this state of affairs, rather than whichever dithering incompetent was masquerading as Home Secretary during the Bullingdon administration; and in any case the real solution to the problem, as to every other problem, is simply for the proles to work longer hours and restrict their leisure activities to church-going, Briton-breeding and wog-bashing. Unfortunately, the materialistic landlords of Maidenhead are unable to take this enlightened view, and are reportedly considering banning the dead-eyed warden from every watering-hole in the constituency.