A Noble Sword to Fall On

Given that previous incumbents have included the fatuous Geoff Hoon and the oafish Adam Werritty, it should be obvious that the role of Defence Secretary has little or nothing to do with actual wog-bombing or squaddie-kicking. Decisions about killing foreigners are taken by the Prime Minister; decisions about cutting off benefits from crippled ex-soldiers are taken by the Treasury and the DWP. The Defence Secretary's essential function is to defend the Government from embarrassing headlines on serious issues by creating ludicrous headlines about trivial issues; and in this regard the poor little spider-keeping squit Gary Whateverson has rather a tough act to follow. Not only could the blustering blimp Michael Fallon be relied on to achieve Daily Express levels of inanity at the drop of a clanger, but with his departure he became the dead cat that threw itself. No doubt he can look forward to a prompt and prosperous political resurrection as Minister for International Trade.