Totalled Policing

Those left-wing malcontents at the Metropolitan Police are trying to bamboozle Her Majesty's eminently bamboozlable Government with worn-out economic arguments long favoured by unpatriotic, pessimistic prosperity-poopers. An endless parade of bores, from the tedious Turkey Twizzler haters at the British Medical Association to those uppity serfs who warned that Grenfell Tower was a fire hazard, have argued that if you keep on cutting something you'll eventually end up with less of it: a principle long outgrown by every pragmatic, non-ideological moderniser within the realm of acceptable democratic discourse from Tumbledown Tessie to the Reverend Rees-Mogg. Yet even with the lessons of history before them, the police and crime commissioners have joined with Zac Goldsmith's favourite terror suspect to claim that budgetary cuts mean fewer officers, and that fewer officers means less policing. It makes for a depressing contrast with those hard-working G4S people, who have never shirked the challenge of being ever less efficient in return for ever larger handouts from the taxpayer. Fortunately for British values, a spokesbeing from the Department of Wogs Out and Prole Control was quick to put the grumblers in their place, proclaiming that Londoners should be jolly grateful because the rest of the country is even worse off than they are.