Imaginative Solutions

Like much of the present Cabinet, magic money trees are strange and temperamental bits of vegetation. Though millions may be to hand for purchasing votes from creationist queer-bashers, and billions may cheerfully be hurled into the black hole of Brexit, mere promises to the proles are quite another thing. Now that bigger and better disasters have pushed Grenfell Tower from the headlines, Her Majesty's Government evidently feels that it's safe to start rowing back on those rash pledges to try and stop it happening again. Ministers are turning down applications for Government money to install sprinkler systems, although in cases "where works are essential" they are prepared to consider before refusing. In response to an MP's query, the dead-eyed warden waved the matter away, proclaiming that allocating money to health-and-safety fripperies was the business of local authorities, as Westminster has better things to do, and that sprinklers are not the only solution to ensuring safety. If the proles were out at work all day and all night, they wouldn't have to worry a bit.