If You Can't Privatise, Militarise

As regards the continuation of our economic miracle, the Government's choices are limited now that the serfs have so little left to donate. Since any attempt to rebuild an economy that actually made things would constitute the worst kind of heretical backsliding, the only real option is to toughen up the populace for a bit of law and order after the manner of those nice G4S people, and then perhaps a war or so thrown in when the taxpayers can next afford it. With the Remembrance Day rah-rah rapidly approaching, and in the absence of an education secretary worth the name, it has fallen to the blustering blimp at the Ministry of Wog-Bombing to announce the further militarisation of Britain's hated state schools. The aim is partly to instil such prominent Conservative Party values as "courage, discipline, integrity, loyalty and respect for others," rather than curiosity, open-mindedness, literacy, multilingualism and all that citizen-of-nowhere sissy stuff. A further aim is to enforce social mobility, which seems to be one of those things, like health, housing and education, that Jeremy Corbyn and his Venezuelo-Zimbabwean Trotskyites have been kicking to bits for the past seven years or so. Still, the blustering blimp does have a point: Pinochet, Galtieri and Saddam Hussein were all military men and, before their innate foreignness caused them to overreach, all mobilised themselves so gloriously as to be chums with the sainted Thatcher herself.