Our Brave Boys on the Fiscal Front

It may seem beyond reasonable doubt that anyone could do the Home Office's job better than the Home Office; but the matter is a little trickier than that. "We are developing an immigration system which is fair to people who are here legally, but firm with those who break the rules," said a spokesbeing for the race-baiting Clegg-pledger who is under suspicion for illegal deportations and contempt of court. When it comes to unauthorised wogs, of course, the Conservative ideal for HM Prison UK is essentially a lynch mob consisting of sixty million unpaid G4S interns; and, as we have known for at least nine years, anything that's worth doing is best done by bankers. Hence, the next stage in the war on citizens of nowhere is obvious: having recruited landlords, police personnel and primary school teachers as border guards, the Government must welcome Britain's financial soldiers into the fray. Already, in as many as ninety per cent of frozen accounts and asset seizures the new recruits are making almost no mistakes at all; and suspects who complain of unfair treatment are simply referred to the Home Office, where their ability to keep calm and carry on will receive its most rigorous test.