No Trouble At All

Northern Ireland, it's been said, has a problem for every solution; and even in the case of Brexit, the universal panacea, it appears there may be one or two small complications in the works. Although the blithering prima donna David Davis has unilaterally undeclared the Republic of Ireland, and Tin-Pot Tessie and the DUP have abrogated the Good Friday agreements to make room for their magic money tree, there remains the small matter of dealing with an estimated hundred million or so border crossings per year once the Recrudescent Imperium has formalised its independence from the ghastly Euro-wogs and taken back control. It appears also that many in the province have divided loyalties, and persist in having relations across the border despite the undisputed advantages of Britishness. Doubtless the blithering prima donna has in mind some simple yet effective libertarian measure, such as tagging everyone in the Free State and deterring unauthorised migration with missile-launching drones and Trident. Then again, the research has after all been carried out by mere experts, some of whom are further biased by not being British themselves; so perhaps Her Majesty's Government will simply stick to its usual policy of hoping it all turns out rah-rah in the end, and blaming the ghastly Euro-wogs when it doesn't.