UN Deserving

Citizens of nowhere and enemies of the people have massed yet another fifth column in the latest attempt to undermine the sovereignty of Her Majesty's Government and the Recrudescent Imperium of Westminster, Gibraltar and the Falkland Islands. A conspiracy of advocates for interference with the free market are soon to submit a report to a United Nations Committee, in which they are expected to make numerous unpleasant remarks about the past decade of Government cripple-kicking. Although successive administrations have given the disabled every possible incentivisation to take up their beds and walk, from removing sloth-inducing income to relieving them of motivation-sapping accommodation, the forces of Stalinist bureaucracy will never be satisfied until every wheelchair-lounging scrounger is being treated like a hard-working family with legitimate and understandable concerns. It is only too easy to imagine the state of our British values if, despite all the struggles of the past decade, this deplorable situation should ever come to pass.