Catch Them Young

Enlightened Western values are being imposed at an encouraging rate of assertiveness by Britain's favourite Islamic fundamentalists, according to a draft report for the United Nations. Fifty-one per cent of all child deaths and injuries in Yemen last year are thought to have resulted from the moderate peace-keeping activities of the head-chopping House of Saud, whose bombing campaign has been supplemented by a cholera epidemic and by an approach to public health workers which doubtless causes gussets to moisten all along Whitehall. Naturally, given that Middle Eastern children habitually grow up into migratory cockroaches, Her Majesty's Government has provided weapons and training to the Saudis and their fellow pest controllers, while piously admonishing the very fine people on all sides to avoid excessive emulation of recent Anglo-American crusades in Iraq and Afghanistan.