A Touch of Gove

Among the coalition's more brilliant plans for Britain's schools was the idea that teachers who had been sacked or driven out of the profession could be cheaply replaced in no time by ex-military personnel. Piloted by the jabbering homunculus Michael Gove with his usual depth of competence, the scheme was a flop; but connoisseurs of British education will be happily reminded of Gove's glory by the case of seventeen army instructors accused of spicing up their charges' battle training with a bit of playground fun. The accused are thought to have participated in the crusades in Afghanistan and Iraq, which may have resulted in some confusion as to what sort of teaching methods are best suited to the master race. It may also have resulted in a degree of post-traumatic stress which, if the instructors are found guilty, will certainly be helped in a prison system that has also recently benefited from the golden touch of Gove.