Raising Them to Our Own Level

It is a well-known fact, because historians of Boris Johnson's calibre never cease to inform us, that a central precept of the British Empire was the moral and material advancement of the lesser breeds. Hence the introduction of railways in India, land reform in Kenya and liberal democracy in Malaya; because inside every wog, fuzzy-wuzzy, nigger and coolie a Briton is struggling to burst forth. The New Global Imperium of England, Wales, Gibraltar and the Falkland Islands will doubtless continue the civilising trend; and already impressive progress has been made in Yemen, where one of our few remaining growth industries is carrying out sterling work to motivate the natives. British arms dealers, in benign collaboration with the sharers of British values in the head-chopping House of Saud, have helped to put nineteen million out of twenty-seven million people in need of aid, with an option on famine for four to seven million. Teachers, health workers and engineers have not been paid for eight months, while the price of basic commodities has gone up by a third: the sort of social and economic miracle for which even the master race may have to wait for another two years and the anticipated final victory over the Euro-wog menace.