Poodling Our Resources

Traitors, saboteurs, enemies of the people and metropolitan élitists are pestering the dead-eyed warden of HM Prison UK to help provide, of all things, strength and stability for the Paris agreement on climate change. Having re-established Britain's special relationship with the US by being only slightly behind the strutting ex-Caudillo of the Farage Falange on the Trumpster's guest list, Tin-Pot Tessie is now being criticised for failing to exert the traditional calming British influence on our impetuous former colony. Of course, the dead-eyed warden has already made the extent of her own concern with climate change quite clear, by abolishing the relevant ministry and putting the gormless Andrea Leadsom at the Department for Environment, Flooding and Whatever. Despite this strong and stable leadership, lesser breeds such as the Euro-wogs and the Heathen Chinee have registered concern about the Trumpster's intentions, and subversive organisations from Oxfam to the RSPB have requested Her Majesty's Government to follow suit; but it appears that Tin-Pot Tessie and her joke Foreign Secretary have for once been overcome with tact. It would hardly be sporting to rub in the fact that America needs the liberated global imperium of England, Wales, Gibraltar and the Falkland Islands far more than we need America.