Cleaning Cycles

Given the undisputed and inalienable status of Global Britain as global leader in the fight against climate change (a status perhaps best epitomised by the image of the late Head Boy having himself photographed cycling to the day job with a limousine in tow), to say nothing of the toxic levels of urban pollution achieved by the greenest government ever, it will come as no surprise to find that the most radical and innovative strategies for cleaning up the air are being considered by the Heathen Chinee. As mayor of London, our own Imperial Haystack pioneered a bicycle rental programme which served mainly as an advertisement for Barclays Bank; a Euro-wog designer has now perverted the concept into a scheme to make innocent bicycle users clean up the air as they ride. This stands in stark contrast to the sane and sensible measures employed by Her Majesty's Government and soon to be subject to approval by Donald Trump.