No More Black on the Union Jack
More than three decades after the sainted Thatcher crushed the saboteurs of the Enemy Within, Britain is set to declare final victory over the pernicious national disease that has plagued the country since the start of the Industrial Revolution. The National Grid has predicted that the first working day without coal power generation is nigh; and the last coal-fired power station is due to close in a few years under the rubric of meeting the Government's climate change commitments. Other symptoms of the Government's interest in meeting its climate change commitments include abolishing the relevant ministry; cosying up to the Trumpster, who does not believe in climate change; and appointing drooling imbeciles like Owen Paterson and Andrea Leadsom to the Department for Environment, Floods and Whatever. The true significance of Britain's first coal-free day is much happier, more glorious, more far-reaching and patriotic. With the rise of new and sustainable energy sources such as Russian gas and blanched radioactive Franco-Chinese pachyderms, the nation is finally at liberty to march towards a future that is free from the centuries-long moral stain of reliance on uppity coal-miners.