And Manly Hearts to Guard the Henhouse

In yet another triumph of Conservative internationalism, the newly global Britain is expected to guarantee all developing nations that their trading relationship with the UK will not get worse; and we all know what Westminster's word is worth when it's given to the lesser breeds. Having walked out of a free trade zone because the Euro-wogs didn't know their place, Her Majesty's Government is hoping to set up another free trade zone in Africa, where governments are famously unconstrained by red tape and where hardship among the proles tends to be a self-solving problem. The chair of the Commonwealth enterprise and investment council has informed the Murdoch Times that the uncivilised tribes will have to make a bit of an effort to deserve what Britain can offload upon them in the way of bombs and bankers; while the vole-brained former Minister for Werritty apparently has hopes of promoting himself to Colonial Secretary.