A Busload of Rah-Rah Helps the Medicine Go Down

Since there are no plans to improve British children's education, physical health, quality of life or future security, at least where the proles are concerned, it necessarily follows that attitudes must be improved instead. Only the obscenely rich and the undeservedly successful have the right to self-pity nowadays; therefore the Government is inviting bids on multi-million-pound contracts for teaching eight-year-olds how to dismiss negative thoughts and ordering adolescents to pull themselves together. No doubt those helpful G4S people, whose perennial optimism as to their own capabilities is an example to almost everyone except Michael Gove, will be well towards the front of the queue. In fairness, the policy is a faithful enough reflection of life in Westminster, where the dead-eyed warden of HM Prison UK trusts in God to help her vanquish the ghastly Euro-wogs, and the posturing prima donna in charge of national isolation obviously has no trouble herding all his problems onto a little blue bus which, by virtue of being located in Conservative-Cuckoo-Land rather than London, will soon move away.