World-Class Britishness

Further doubt has been cast upon the capacity of Her Majesty's Government to inflict nuclear genocide from the sea, as anonymous sources for the scumbag press claim that all seven of the Royal Navy's attack submarines are out of action. Four of the boats are in a class called Trafalgar, after a previous victory against the prospect of a united Europe; symbolically enough for British values, the last of these was built thirty years ago and they are allegedly "on their last legs". The remaining three boats are classed Astute, presumably after Liam Fox, and have been known to suffer such minor operational difficulties as failing to detect Scotland. Improvements have since been made, and the submarines are now thought more or less capable of avoiding collision with bits of continent, although they still have trouble with smaller objects.