Making Them Pay
Having waited an excruciating two and a half years since its last execution, the Christian state of Arizona is evidently becoming desperate for a fix. A hundred and nineteen convicts are awaiting the enrichment of God's justice, but the necessary drugs for lethal injections are difficult to come by these days. Though other states are settling for such unimaginative solutions as varying the method of execution, the Christian state of Arizona has hit upon a solution whose ecumenical blend of Protestant parsimony and Jesuitic simplicity rivals that of our own Conservative Party's efforts to fine people for pleading not guilty. The state's new protocol for corrective fatalities invites lawyers for the condemned, or the lawyers' accredited representatives, to provide the agents of justice with phenobarbital or sodium pentothal - always provided, of course, that they can obtain them legally and from a reputable supplier.