Taking Back Control One More Time For Yucks

Professor Douglas Carswell, who overruled Sir Isaac Newton on the workings of the tides and who serves as sole seat-warmer for the Farage Falange in the House of Expenses Claimants, has been cordially invited to serve as the strutting meta-ex-retired Caudillo's latest dead cat. Since the Trumpster has no immediate need of an elevator attendant, and since the strutting meta-ex-retired Caudillo has already sniffed out enough extremists for one week, it has evidently been decided that the next target of his telling it like it is should be the hapless Professor. It appears that Carswell should not be in the party at all; perhaps because Mad Tessie is just about mad enough to suit him, or perhaps because he believes that tides are caused by something other than the will of the Caudillo. "He’s got his own set of views on things but maybe party politics isn’t really for him," burbled Lord Bunk of Thanet about the only member of his rabble to win a parliamentary election for the Falange. Still, apart from occasional decrees as to who should be purged, the strutting meta-ex-retired Caudillo also promised not to be a back-seat driver for the Falange now that he himself has made it to the Land of Golden Lifts. A promise is a promise, and we all know how Nigel feels about saying the thing that is not.