You Can't Get the Staff These Days

Zac Goldsmith, the wholly independent, non-Conservative race-baiting ex-Conservative with whom the Conservatives disagree so profoundly that they are not fielding a candidate against him, has been clipped by his own car on the way to a final by-election blather in Richmond Park. It remains as yet unclear whether he was making a bid for the likeable-bumbler image which served the Imperial Haystack so well back when he was serving his country as a game-show host; or whether he has any plans to blame his torn trousers on bus-bombing Scary Muslims. Then again, perhaps he was merely showing his independence of Conservative ideology by employing a non-expert driver because a licensed one would have meant wasting time and money on bureaucratic red tape.