The Curmudgeon


Friday, October 28, 2016

Omens and Portents

Given recent annunciations by the Ascended Incarnation of the Reverend Blair concerning his imminent personal redemption of the political centre, it can surely be no coincidence that the tomb of his second-best chum Jesus has allegedly been unearthed by conservationists in Jerusalem. The location where the Saviour's body was, "according to tradition" (or, in Standard English, quite possibly not), placed after his martyrdom to the chocolate egg industry has been uncovered by Greek archaeologists funded by a music-industry widow and the infidel prince Abdullah II of Jordan. It lies beneath the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, custodianship of which is shared between half a dozen squabbling factions of the risen corpse's self-proclaimed followers. In order to keep the loving brothers from one another's throats, since the time of the pre-Blair crusades the keys to the church have been left in the keeping of Muslims.


  • At 10:47 am , Blogger David OBrien said...

    The establishment of the 1853 status quo did not halt the violence, which continues to break out every so often even in modern times. On a hot summer day in 2002, a Coptic monk moved his chair from its agreed spot into the shade. This was interpreted as a hostile move by the Ethiopians, and eleven were hospitalized after the resulting fracas.

    In another incident in 2004, during Orthodox celebrations of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, a door to the Franciscan chapel was left open. This was taken as a sign of disrespect by the Orthodox and a fistfight broke out. Some people were arrested, but no one was seriously injured.

    On Palm Sunday, in April 2008, a brawl broke out when a Greek monk was ejected from the building by a rival faction. Police were called to the scene but were also attacked by the enraged brawlers. On Sunday, 9 November 2008, a clash erupted between Armenian and Greek monks during celebrations for the Feast of the Cross.

    Great stuff. I bet the fights were hilarious to watch.

    Also check out the 'immovable ladder'

  • At 12:19 pm , Blogger Philip said...

    Few things are better for concentrating mind and spirit upon the Eternal than continual paranoia over somebody moving the furniture.


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