Omens and Portents
Given recent annunciations by the Ascended Incarnation of the Reverend Blair concerning his imminent personal redemption of the political centre, it can surely be no coincidence that the tomb of his second-best chum Jesus has allegedly been unearthed by conservationists in Jerusalem. The location where the Saviour's body was, "according to tradition" (or, in Standard English, quite possibly not), placed after his martyrdom to the chocolate egg industry has been uncovered by Greek archaeologists funded by a music-industry widow and the infidel prince Abdullah II of Jordan. It lies beneath the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, custodianship of which is shared between half a dozen squabbling factions of the risen corpse's self-proclaimed followers. In order to keep the loving brothers from one another's throats, since the time of the pre-Blair crusades the keys to the church have been left in the keeping of Muslims.