Northern Exposure

Norway's government has been forced by humanitarian considerations to deny that it cruelly dismissed a desperate attempt by Liam Fox to justify his sense of self-importance. According to initial reports, the vole-brained former Minister for Werritty ordered the Norwegians to start setting up a task force and prepare the European Economic Area for penetration by the Great British Trade Todger; to which the Norwegians responded with a diplomatically-phrased request for Fox to go and boil his head. In fact, the Norwegian minister for European affairs has already made negative noises about letting Britain into the European Free Trade Association, on the grounds that a "big country" might shift the balance against Norway's interests. Fortunately, if Britain continues down its present path it may soon be rather smaller than it is now: geographically thanks to intransigence among the Celts, and numerically thanks to natural attrition among the proles.

Downing Street has also intervened, claiming that Fox has merely been having friendly conversations with Norway, without any attempt to do international trade deals just because he happens to be the nominal Secretary for International Trade. This sounds reasonable enough, on the very simple grounds that no international trade deals can be made while Britain is still in the EU. This also means, of course, that the vole-brained former Minister for Werritty has no actual role to play in government aside from boasting, blathering and jabbering, and occupying space which might more usefully and pleasingly be given to a potted plant; but the dead-eyed warden of HM Prison UK is not generally disposed to make judgements on the grounds of pleasure, practicality or other modes of mere sanity.