Bob the Builder

Mad Tessie's Minister for Wogs Out has been having a bit of a blah and rah over the Trump-lite option for cockroach control, which is about to begin in Calais. Electrifying the fences would cost too much; hiring G4S to taser anyone they thought looked uppity would depopulate the prefecture; and refraining from creating refugees would be just as contrary to British values as giving homes to those already liberated. Accordingly, Robert Goodwill and some chums of his are going to put up a "big, new wall", which will be made of smooth concrete and will have flowers and plants on the non-wog side so as to reduce any non-positive visual impact. Local residents, aid groups and the Road Haulage Association have all complained that it won't work; but Robert Goodwill clearly knows better, having been Minister for Wogs Out for six weeks without even feeling the need to visit Calais for himself. Robert Goodwill also defended the Government's record on helping child refugees (or, in Standard English, not helping child refugees) by claiming that Her Majesty's Government is trying to speed up the process. Fortunately for Conservative heartlanders with legitimate concerns, nothing does not become something just because the Government is doing it a bit faster than before. Nevertheless, there seems little room for doubt that Robert Goodwill is Mad Tessie's most appropriately-surnamed minister apart from the vole-brained Liam Fox.