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Some treacherous foreign swine are plotting to give us back our borders. With the French presidential election approaching, Her Majesty's Government's fellow migrant-bashers across the Channel are taking a rather unsporting attitude to their duty of ensuring that the wogs stop at Calais. At present Britain has an agreement with the ghastly Socialists, allowing passports to be checked in France and thus protecting those efficient people at G4S and Serco from being overwhelmed by too many cockroaches swarming into their concentration camps. Should the serfs of the EU be so indiscreet as to elect a president more in tune with the legitimate concerns of white working burkiniphobes, this agreement may have to be re-negotiated; perhaps through the famous yet discreet diplomatic skills of the ever-subtle Imperial Haystack. As with everything else to do with Britain's new-found independence, doubtless the whole affair will turn out a triumph of fair play and common sense.