Little People, Silly People
I am sure we all remember the Syrian civil war, into which Britain's Head Boy was simply oozing to drag us before bestowing one on his party instead. Among the many humanitarian arguments in favour of profitable engagement was the Head Boy's claim that he could call on the services of seventy thousand tame jihadis, every one a decent chap for an Arab and willing, in return for some small consideration, to fight the beastly Assad at the command of the Great Pink Chief. Alas, the Head Boy's inspiring attempt to squeeze himself into the robes of T E Lawrence has been somewhat undermined by a report from Amnesty International, which finds that some of the groups opposing the beastly Assad like to play rather rough on their own account. The do-gooders have tried to undermine Britain's blissful post-veracious political environment by documenting abductions, torture and summary public executions, and have even gone so far as to call for an arms embargo against groups which are implicated in such acts of tough love. It is as yet unclear whether Britain's Head Boy plans to whip the barbarians into shape himself during the remainder of his time in office, or instruct them to serve his no doubt equally godlike successor.