Approved Techniques

Enthusiasts of genuine British values will rejoice in the revelation that the Home Office's henchpersons have bagged another migrant, however much that revelation may have been delayed by misplaced concern for foreign sensibilities. The cockroach in question was detained at a privately-run wog disposal centre when he breached the conditions of his bail; he suffered heart problems while in detention and was admitted to hospital, but died before the necessary surgery could be performed. For almost the entirety of the week he spent in hospital, he was chained up; presumably in order to ensure his proper appreciation of having been allowed to jump the queue. His request to be allowed to die at home with his family was denied.

It is, of course, no business of the state to interfere with the legitimate activities of private enterprise, and the Home Office seems to have displayed a respectful lack of curiosity about the conditions under which the marauding resource was being held. About two days before his death, the Home Office suddenly realised he was being kept in restraints and asked the company, GEO, to remove them. This GEO refused, apparently because the management were worried about the £10,000 fine which the Home Office could impose should the swarming element abscond.

This deplorable incidence of migrant noncooperativity occurred in 2012; since then, the Home Office has done everything it could to the facts from the public eye, purely out of humanitarian concern for the culprit's family. Although the relevant guidelines have been revised in favour of not chaining people up unless absolutely necessary, it remains unclear how much the Home Office fines its corporate chums in the event of a death in custody.