This Madness Must Be Monetised

Despite record announcements of new investment and the endless life opportunities opened up by the Osbornomic miracle, it seems young people in England are still refusing to buck up their ideas. The Conservatives have promised to give mental health services "parity of esteem" with the various non-comedic services they've been slashing and selling; and it does indeed appear that children and adolescents on the verge of suicide are being treated to much the same lottery as those with physical problems. The Conservative head of the all-party group on mental health has called for a "fundamental transformation" of services, by which he presumably means flogging them off to those famously bucked-up people at Serco and G4S; and Britain's Head Boy has already taken decisive action of his own. He appointed a token filly as "mental health champion for schools", whose intended function was presumably to argue for the utter sanity of whatever the Bride of Gove happened to be doing at the time. Instead, the appointee claimed that being poor, being forced into debt or being made to take the Eleven-Plus at five and a half might be contributing to mental health problems. As the father and primary user of Little Ivan™, Britain's Head Boy has no time or sympathy for those who use problem children to make cheap political points; so he sacked her.