Our Boys, Our Values, Our Chums

It may surprise some that the Ministry for Wogs, Frogs and Huns, now in the charge of a suitful of stale air, still makes any pretence of being concerned over human rights abuses. In fact, last year the department designated thirty countries as sources of humanitarian concern; fortunately for British values, the concern runs about as deep as a speech by Philip Hammond. British armed forces are involved in training personnel in sixteen of the thirty countries, including some which are recent beneficiaries of democratisation by wog-bombing, such as Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya; and a few, such as Bahrain, China and Saudi Arabia, where enlightened and benevolent rulers have ensured that the process of democratisation is advancing at a pace congenial to the Bullingdon Club. For example, British commandos are training Bahraini soldiers in the use of sniper rifles despite (or, in Oldspeak, because of) the alleged use of such specialist troops to pacify some uppity proles who made a bit of noise five years ago.

Her Majesty's Government has also announced that it will be working more closely with Oman, whose qualifications for the privilege, as listed by Amnesty International, include the use of "mock execution, beating, hooding, solitary confinement, subjection to extremes of temperature and to constant noise, abuse and humiliation" and "a culture of arbitrary arrest and detention in secret institutions". Doubtless thanks to the British values on display, the blustering blimp at the Ministry for Wog-Bombing has personally proclaimed Oman our pal.