Ulster Uteruses

Thanks no doubt to the machinations of the evil Euro-wogs, Westminster has given up its sovereignty to the extent that Northern Ireland has exempted itself from the Abortion Act 1967. Elections for the Stormont assembly will take place next Thursday, and a few superstitious old ladies are all of a flutter at the prospect of such a defiantly British part of the United Kingdom finally deciding to fall in with British law. Echoing a pro-coathanger agitator in Rhode Island, Catholic bishops have been urging their sheep not to vote for candidates who believe that women should have the right to exercise a modicum of choice when it comes to serving as incubators for little Papists. Although Northern Ireland has failed to catch up with the 1960s, it continues to keep alive the spirit of the 1860s, whereby the Offences Against the Person Act recognises various mindless agglomerations of cells as having the same rights as a Catholic bishop or the Right Heterosexual Peter Robinson.