Stepping Up to the Plate

I am sure we all remember the glorious wog-bombing of Libya, which has done so much for regional stability and the spread of British values. As often happens in these matters, the natives have thus far proved unworthy of their freedomisation, and have responded to their newly-bestowed liberty in the most unconstructive ways. Ever mindful of the distinction between the deserving and the undeserving, Her Majesty's Government has decided that its entire humanitarian contribution to Libya's 2.4 million scroungers for the present financial year will be £50,000: the equivalent of the price for attendance at one business community belch-in with the Bullingdon Club. This commendable parsimony has prompted the usual outcry from ghastly foreigners at the UN, who seem to think Her Majesty's Government has some sort of moral obligation to bribe people not to turn into migrants, health tourists, terrorists or other marauding swarms. So secure is the Head Boy in his Blairite rectitude that he has not even deigned to respond to a summons from the foreign affairs select committee, which is holding an inquiry into the whole glorious affair and is at least mildly concerned that ground troops may be deployed on something other than a sneaky basis and spoil all the fun.