I Am Not A Crook

Tax avoidance is morally wrong. I have consistently talked about having a meeting about talking about doing something about it. I have never profited by tax avoidance. My family has never profited by tax avoidance. Neither I nor any member of my hard-working family has any plans at the present time to profit by tax avoidance. As a public figure to whom the plebs look for moral guidance, my tax affairs are a private matter. Those who wish to know more should put up or shut up. I have never tried to pretend to be anything I am not. I have never profited by tax avoidance, although I have profited by tax avoidance. But that was a long time ago when I was leader of the opposition. That was the time when I burbled about solar panels, simpered about Little Ivan™ and the NHS, and took my European party into cahoots with the Latvian Waffen-SS fan club. I obviously can't point to the source of every bit of money when I come from such a hard-working family with so many dead people in it. To say that my father's tax-avoiding activities were meant to avoid taxes is a tragic misconception. It was all because of the mess Labour made. It was because of the scroungers and migrants. Badgers probably had something to do with it. My admiration for the innocent beauty of decapitated pigs has never been other than clean and pure. I have almost never profited by tax avoidance, and I have even more never done so by very much. Tax avoidance is sometimes morally wrong, but usually perfectly legal, especially when real people do it, which hardly ever happens, and then only to avoid tragic misconceptions such as the idea that I have made excessive profits by tax avoidance. Jeremy Corbyn is planning to experiment on commuters, so can we get back to genuine issues now?