Balancing Necessity and Nastiness

Among the most devious and sinister threats to our Britishness, of course, are those components of the marauding swarms who deliberately and with premeditation get themselves pregnant in order to come over here and use our NHS to flood the economy with woglings who cannot be deported until they reach eighteen. The House of Lords has voted to end the practice of detaining these dangerous persons; but of course this would constitute an unacceptable threat to the country in general, and in particular against the profits of those nice people at G4S, with whom Mad Tessie May has almost no marital connection whatever. Accordingly, the Home Secretary has decreed that pregnant swarms will be detained for a maximum of seventy-two hours, or for up to a week longer should a minister feel like it. In addition, vulnerable adults (i.e. those who can prove they're not faking it, or committing suicide just to make the Home Office look bad) will not be detained "unless it is absolutely necessary and only when the immigration considerations outweigh the issues of vulnerability." Since the doings of those nice G4S people are always necessary and immigration concerns outweigh just about everything these days, the impact of this radical improvement may possibly take some time to make itself felt.