Just One Big Happy Corporation

One does not safeguard British democracy simply by packing the Lords, cutting the Commons and electorally cleansing a few hundred thousand proles. The Bullingdons are also much concerned with left-wing deviationism by local Conservative associations, some of which even now persistently and perversely deny the all-improving benignity of the Osbornomic miracle. Britain's Head Boy has already felt the need to rah-rah his expenses claimants in favour of listening to their hearts (viz. their Westminster career prospects) rather than to the junior ticks in their constituencies; and in order to counter this enemy within Lord Feldman, the Minister for Bullying, is expected to propose mergers between local associations. A spokesbeing has naturally denied any suggestion that the measures will amount to a cull of anything apart from that perpetual nuisance, paid employees: the new, not-quite-so-local-as-before operations will "benefit from shared offices and access to professional staff". The spokesbeing also denied the very idea of any plan to introduce a new Gobblers' Club level of membership which would guarantee access to the party's annual grunt-and-squeal in return for a £100 contribution to the trough; so doubtless such a plan is being at least seriously considered.