Worlds in Collision
Earth knocked off course in drunk-driving migrant horror
The British Government has reacted strongly to scientists' claims that the planet Earth was created by a collision between the real Earth and an alien world called Theia, in which fortunately no Britons were hurt.
The Prime Minister said he was "concerned" at the news, which could undermine house prices for buildings constructed on non-genuine terrestrial resources, thus rendering certain accommodation too affordable for Britain's fragile economic recovery.
The Foreign Office immediately demanded repayments from Brussels and ordered the United Nations to fund an inquest into which parts of the planet have been masquerading as Earth for the past four and a half billion years.
Conservative back-benchers urged the Prime Minister to give assurances that the mind of the Conservative Party would continue to remain off-planet "until our geological heritage is secured, until 2020 and beyond."
In an impromptu speech widely acclaimed as "Churchillian", shadow foreign secretary Hilary Benn urged the Government to hurry up and do exactly what it was already doing, only more so.
Some ministers took a more sanguine view. "Science does get things wrong sometimes," said the secretary for faith schools. "How do we even know the aliens were called Theia? The scientists weren't around at the time, were they?"
The British Government has reacted strongly to scientists' claims that the planet Earth was created by a collision between the real Earth and an alien world called Theia, in which fortunately no Britons were hurt.
The Prime Minister said he was "concerned" at the news, which could undermine house prices for buildings constructed on non-genuine terrestrial resources, thus rendering certain accommodation too affordable for Britain's fragile economic recovery.
The Foreign Office immediately demanded repayments from Brussels and ordered the United Nations to fund an inquest into which parts of the planet have been masquerading as Earth for the past four and a half billion years.
Conservative back-benchers urged the Prime Minister to give assurances that the mind of the Conservative Party would continue to remain off-planet "until our geological heritage is secured, until 2020 and beyond."
In an impromptu speech widely acclaimed as "Churchillian", shadow foreign secretary Hilary Benn urged the Government to hurry up and do exactly what it was already doing, only more so.
Some ministers took a more sanguine view. "Science does get things wrong sometimes," said the secretary for faith schools. "How do we even know the aliens were called Theia? The scientists weren't around at the time, were they?"
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