Not Up to Speed

Responsibility for the inundations in the Northern Poorhouse lies squarely with local beadles, who missed the opportunity to strengthen flood defences when the Government increased the chocolate ration from thirty grammes to twenty grammes. Having happily slashed funding and booted out staff for five years, with the cheery connivance of their Deputy Conservative enablers, the Bullingdon Club were warned by the Association of Drainage Authorities that local councils would have no choice but to cut flood defences. However, the warning became instantly outdated when a gleaming, sebaceous tentacle of the Osbornomic miracle overturned all the cuts in the autumn statement, which gave the local councils simply weeks to undo the damage of half a decade and get everything shipshape before the damp set in. Not being fully run by G4S and Serco, it appears they weren't up to the job. Now really, in all fairness, whose fault is that?