An Unfortunate Oversight

At some point last year, Mad Tessie May suffered a lapse in concentration and somehow ended up commissioning an independent review of conditions in her wog chastisement and disposal centres. The report was delivered in September, but has only been published today; and the Home Secretary extruded her flunkey James Brokenshire to comment on it, being herself a little busy having chunks of carpet removed from between her teeth.

The report recommends a ban on imprisonment of pregnant women, and a "presumption against detention" for victims of sexual violence and PTSD, and those with learning difficulties. Obviously, placing such arbitrary limitations on those nice people from Serco and G4S will be terribly traumatic, and will also serve as a pull factor for the marauding hordes. Wars will be prolonged, despite Britain's Head Boy's heroic salesmanship for the weapons industries, because the human locusts' urge to enter Britain will cause an unwonted boom in the market for self-inflicted rape and shell shock. Potential terrorists will queue for hours to be kitted out with learning difficulties, and of course they'll all be breeding like rabbits. The report even proclaims that there is no correlation between the present expansion of the wog disposal industry and the number of people lawfully deported; as if those nice people from Serco and G4S had ever concerned themselves with keeping the law, let alone enforcing it.

Anyway, according to James Brokenshire everything has already been thought of, and all the report's sensible recommendations are ready to be pushed through even as we snigger. Measures are in hand to minimise both the number of wogs being disposed of and the delay between the coming hither and the kicking hence; and concerns about the mental health of detainees will be dealt with once ATOS has certified them fit to swim back home.