Progress Report

Despite the democratising presence of Britain's Head Boy's seventy thousand tame jihadis, the crusade against Islamic State is somehow progressing too slowly for Britain's Secretary of State for Wog-Bombing. This is partly the fault of our little brown chums in Iraq, who have been efficientised a good deal in the past twelve years but are regrettably no longer ready for action at forty-five minutes' notice. It is also partly the fault of the beastly Russians, who support the wrong side in Syria (viz. Bashar al-Assad, an enemy of Islamic State) and have been making unauthorised incursions into airspace which, if not quite British, is certainly not an immigrant. The Secretary of State for Wog-Bombing did not say whether the beastly Russians have been aided in these derelictions by an enemy within Britain; doubtless the revelations of a fifth column including Corbyn, the Milibeing, the Stop the War Coalition and various junior doctors will be unveiled at some electorally opportune moment. The Secretary of State for Wog-Bombing shrugged off references to "Libya and these other franchises" since Britain's Head Boy, in his well-merited modesty, would rather his own achievements in previous crusades were not shouted about too much.