Men of Goodwill

Britain's Head Boy has been summoned to the servants' entrance of the headmaster's office for a bit of a drinkie-poo and, more importantly, to receive his instructions for the coming year. So proud is Britain's Head Boy to be accorded such an honour that his spokesbeings have refused to say whether he will be attending, which is nearly as discreet as squealing "Look over there!" and pointing at anything but the grubby claw clutching the Daveybloke strings. Doubtless many chuckles will be had over the burial of Leveson, the resurgence of Rebekah and the continuing abjection of the BBC, while Britain's Head Boy makes appropriate obeisance to his Dear Leader's various orifices. It is unknown whether the Head Boy will be broaching any hogsheads for the amusement of the company; but that a plump, pink piggie will be doing a lot of sucking is a reasonably safe assumption.