Ihr Dient

Those unpatriotic and backsliding persons who complained about the Prince of Wales' black spider memoranda will no doubt recognise and repent the error of their ways, now that documents have been released showing that the prince is no mere dilettante. When not attending to the demands of his day job (viz. awaiting the demise of an elderly benefits claimant from a large immigrant family), His Royal Highness apparently spends considerable time and energy doing background research for his melano-arachnoid lobbying. Whitehall considerately abets him in this task by sending him government documents to leaf through and by allowing him to hold personal audiences with ministers. The contents of the documents are, in many cases, too democratic for the plebs to worry about; and the subjects of discussion at the meetings are so innocent that even Mad Tessie May has not attempted to eavesdrop. Indeed, so flawlessly above-board are the entire proceedings that the Government has fought for three years to keep them secret; so our thanks once again to Nick Clegg and the Deputy Conservatives for their commitment to increased transparency. We will certainly know what to say the next time Putin, the Euro-wogs or Johnny Arab need an earful on the requirements of a modern democratic state.