Tessie's Big Clearout

Britain has ordered Nigeria, as a former colony and therefore a significant cultural debtor to British values, to take back an estimated twenty-nine thousand unauthorised wogs who are living in Britain and interfering with Conservative plans to take back the UKIP vote. The minions of Mad Tessie May gave the Nigerian vice-president his instructions last month, after the Home Office signalled its intentions by booting out dozens of Nigerian care workers, since heaven knows there's no shortage of those. Nevertheless, the Nigerian government seems to be dragging its feet, and even seems to think that Mad Tessie May and her minions have the slightest interest in how long each particular unauthorised wog may have spent here. No doubt this lazy, sit-in-the-sun attitude is what has led so many unauthorised wogs to believe they can get away with working and paying taxes in Britain without heeding the examples of Lord Ashcroft and Rupert Murdoch, and making genuine contributions to our way of life.