Securing the Future

The granny-bashing component of the Conservatives' long-term economic plan is more or less on schedule, according to an actuarial firm which has been investigating the machinations of the brilliant Iain Duncan Smith. The new universal state pension, which the Department of Workfare and Privation claims is so simple that even Duncan Smith can almost understand it, is expected to leave most workers worse off in the long term, with the most undeserving skivers set to lose as much as £20,000. Fortunately, the long term is also the period of time over which most of the Conservatives' present wrinkly vote will die off; hence the planned Great Daveymander to ensure the continued safety of British democracy in their absence.