Origin of Britishness

Fury at grunting ignorance deficit

A tough but fair policy on migrant issues by the Neanderthals may have delayed the emergence of Britishness by up to 35,000 years, according to anthropologists.

Teeth found in a Chinese cave indicate that specimens of Homo sapiens ipsedixit spread across Asia without apparent difficulty, which may have fostered the evolutionary complacency that eventually led to their development into the Heathen Chinee.

Far greater difficulty was encountered by those heading north, who were met by Neanderthals who "were not grunting, ignorant cavemen" but nevertheless apparently considered themselves the indigenous population.

It is possible that violence was not used and that, like many primitive and unsophisticated races, the Neanderthals relied on a hostile environment to keep the intruders at bay.

However, climate change resulted in a decline in population and Europe was taken over by hard-working families who worked hard and got on with the struggle to become British.