No Fraternising With the Gooks

So resoundingly successful has been the Osbornomic miracle, and so equitably distributed the profits thereof, that Conservative Party bosses have been forced to warn their minions about venturing without disguise among the northern powerhouse's restless natives. In a magnificent gesture of Bullingdon tact, the Conservatives have decided to hold their annual belch and rah-rah in Manchester, which was not particularly rich in 2010 and has therefore been subject to the usual Osbornomic stimulus of budget restrictions on top of efficiency savings on top of austerity cuts on top of routine neoliberal nastiness. None of this has been in vain, since the money saved has gone to stimulate entrepreneurship and hard-working families in richer boroughs; but it appears that not all Mancunians have fallen in with the doubtless prevailing mood of forelock-tugging gratitude. Accordingly, the party chairman has ordered activists to remove their identification badges when out absorbing the local colour beyond the "ring of steel" which, in tribute to the party's popular mandate, the Home Office will be deploying around the proceedings. It is to be hoped that the glorious victors of May 2015 can also remember to put their badges back on before venturing back into the security zone; what a loss to the country should the next Sayeeda Warsi or Sajid Javid be drone-bombed into oblivion in mistake for a flat-cap militant.