Profit Makes Patriots

Until the snooper's charter is passed in full force and at last empowers everybody to spy on everybody else, our brave spooks must defend British values as best they can. Since torture is inconvenient, and treating Muslims as normal citizens is out of the question, MI5 has resorted to paying selected legal Islamics to spy on their fellow aliens. This is at least as economical a means of getting information as strapping people to gurneys and half drowning them; and the presence of financial incentives means the information itself could be nearly as reliable. Nevertheless, as one would expect, radical imams are already denouncing the whole idea, with one hate-preacher calling for an apocalyptic programme of "genuine community engagement".