Making Manchester Safe

Britain's Head Boy has spent the last few days trying to look as if he cares about brown people, and it has obviously been an uncomfortable experience. Accordingly, today he had a bit of a burble to try and move the debate back into the Westminster comfort zone of killing brown people in numbers slightly larger than four thousand a year. Britain's Head Boy dismissed the frivolous fripperies in favour of what makes headlines in the scumbag press: "not just spending money, not just aid, not just diplomacy, but it will on occasion require hard military force." Britain's Head Boy expressed disapproval of both Bashar al-Assad and Islamic State, both of whom butcher people without utilising such civilised methods as drone aircraft and cruise missiles, let alone the liberating statesmanship exemplified by the Reverend Blair during the saving of Iraq. Britain's Head Boy would like to help end the butchery in Syria by butchering a lot more Syrians, thus incidentally stemming the migrant swarm by reducing potential refugees to collateral damage before they can be indiscreet enough to get their children washed up on beaches. With the party conference only a month away, Britain's Head Boy wants to look like a leader instead of a chubby-cheeked school bully struggling to manage as a junior salesman; and that will require not just spending money, not just aid, not just diplomacy, but it will on occasion require hard military force.