The Curmudgeon


Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Burka Fasoid Flood Fears Deepen

Fury at swamping horror

Panic stalked Whitehall today as yet more swarms of wogs loomed on whichever horizon is nearest to Burkina Faso.

Nearly 20,000 potential marauders have been affected by floods in the recently-renamed country's capital Ouagadougou, although the Bullingdon Club's robust sense of humour is thought to find the city's name highly amusing.

Environment secretary Elma Fludd condemned the UN for not acting fast enough to facilitate shale-fracking and badger-gassing, while the London Haystack offered three water-cannons "to help the flow of tough love among the piccaninnies."

Despite budgetary cutbacks, the empty suit at the Foreign Office has put out a call for non-asylum-seeking Third World natives or their English-speaking children who can point out to him where Burkina Faso is on the map.

"Once we know which direction the swarms will be marauding from, it will then be relatively simple to put appropriate rat-traps and locust-nets in place," a spokesbeing said.

"As soon as these precautionary measures have been taken, we will be able to start discussions as to what reparations the British people can expect from Burkina Faso for the inconvenience caused."

Meanwhile, various potential leaders of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition demanded assurances from the Government that Britain's hard-working families would not suffer through the export of British sandbags to aid foreign competitors.


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